John's Jewels

Here, presented below for you enjoyment is a compendium of time wasting, e-mail inbox hogging, internet junk that has been forwarded to me via e-mail by various colleagues, friends and family members who obviously have nothing better to do with their time and resources!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Fifty Wonderful Years

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands! Ralph, please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Brother Ralph replied: "I'm going back to Beijing, get her and bring her home."

posted by John R # 7:15 AM

Monday, December 04, 2006

This is what we have been waiting for, the true answers to the five most important questions in the world:

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, only "down under."

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because, when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

posted by John R # 11:38 AM

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